What Does Friendship Truly Mean?

Renovate Life Now

Part 1 by Suzette R. Hinton

There are two phases in a friendship or relationship. There's the interest phase where something about a person has peaked your interest. Then there's the bonding phase.

The interest phase is typified by some commonality. Things are light and fun. You revel in common experiences or share a common interest. It kind of reminds you of the honeymoon phase of a marriage. You enjoy how you feel when with the other person. Whatever your warm and fuzzy is, this is the phase. "He understood me." "She believes my dream."

What does friendship really mean?
Great friendships can last a lifetime.

The bonding phase is the more telling phase. It is the revealer. In some respect, the person allows you to see who they really are. Differences, disappointments and conflicts are the tools of the bonding phase. The man who understood you when you talked about someone else is now remote and doesn't want to talk when it comes to a problem you have with him. The woman who once believed in your dream now complains that she never sees you.

Though most would agree that the bonding phase is essential, it is the most difficult to navigate. Why is it so hard? Perhaps there is a part of us retained from childhood that prefers fantasy to reality, day dreaming to working, romancing to loving. Sure children live to play but have you ever watched kids together. Sure they laugh, giggle and play but it's all intermittent with bumps, bruises and disagreements. The same child who limps into the house crying because his friend pushed him down hurries back outside to resume play once his boo-boo has been kissed and bandaged.

For me, college was where true bonding happened. It wasn't something that any of us did consciously. We simply shared our lives together for those four years. We shared food, challenges, disagreements, betrayals yet when all was said and done, we were still holding on to one another. Maybe it was because we needed a family unit since we were all hundreds of miles from home.

I don't know.

All I know is that I still have those friends to this day. My college roommate is still someone whom I can go for months without talking to, then with one conversation the bond is renewed. And though it's been marriages, children and a lifetime of experiences in-between, there is that knowing, that trusting, that safe place that my heart rests in.

It takes time to bond. No matter how nostalgic you feel during the interest phase, one cannot skip past this. You might feel that you've found a special friend within moments of sharing common experiences and similar values. You might enjoy one another's company and be, as Forest Gump says, "like peas and carrots." Regardless, once the newness wears off, there is a weighty disagreement, and/or familiarity sets in, it becomes more telling if your "friendship" will remain at interest or can sustain true bonding.

As life is putting your friendship to the test, there are some gimmies. A gimmy is a concession for simply being human. The first time you and your friend have an intense disagreement, no one is going to feel good about the other one. You must take that into consideration. No one likes to hear criticism or that they have offended someone. Even the most loving or evolved soul feels that tightness in his stomach when someone points out a fault.

All things considered however, Maya Angelou say's it best, "if a person tells you who they are, believe them." If she tells you she loves her job, believe her. If he tells you he's not interested in settling down, believe him. Now, in the interest phase, you hear but you don't hear. You see but you don't see. A person can tell you something about themselves and it goes through one ear and out the other. I've been hurt many times because I didn't believe what someone told me or showed me about himself.

So how do you know if your friendship is interest-based or has potential for a deeper bond? Here's my list:

As I mature, I realize that every friendship isn't destined to be a deep and abiding bond. However, if you choose wisely and approach each relationship as an opportunity to learn more about yourself, you'll find the treasure in every phase.

Part 2 by Francis Oyelami

Life is to be forfeited by many friendships,to love and to be loved,is the greatest happiness of existence. Do you wonder why some people have more friends than others? Such people may or may not be wealthy;they may or may mot have high intelligence or expensive education. But within them is an attitude causing them to be respected and admired. It is their ability to make friends and also keep them. People are a basic source of happiness.

Making friends does not require too much effort,except for those that are shy to talk to people. And even the shy ones sometimes have a handful of friends because of their attitude of keeping friends. But the problem is to know how to keep your friends when you have one.

Friends are the reasons we smile. Have you ever wondered what your life would be like without friends? So,no matter how busy your schedule is,for you to keep your frinds,you have to develop a lifestyle and a way of dispensing time that allows several profound relationships with people. True happiness consists not in the multitude of friends you have, but in the worth and choice. Getting close to a few people is more important than being popular enough to receive 500 season's greeting cards every year.

Openness is a common characteristic of people that have deep and good friendship. Most people often hide behind masks,vacillating between the impulse to reveal themselves and the impulse to protect themselves with a blanket of privacy. They long both to be known and to remain hidden! Admiration does not necessarily lead to intimacy, because people around you admire your coolness does not mean they are your friends.

But it has been noted that the more serious reason for our masks is the FEAR OF REJECTION, and that has always been even one of my problems. Taking a step of self-disclosure and then have a friend walk away can be vey devastating. Everyone has their shadow side and are quite reluctant to reveal this side to another so long as it scares us. But telling someone; a friend; about the dark side creates a chemistry to start working.

Because we have told another our deepest secrets, we begin to understand ourselves better, especially when the friend is more experienced. When we reveal ourselves to someone else, we learn how to increase contact with our real self,and may then be able to direct our destiny on the basis of this self-knowledge.

You don't want people to see you as being sentimental, so you hold back expressions of warmth and miss out in what you also need,someone to extend words of warmth to you, rich and profound friendships. We say "SO LONG" when we mean "I WILL MISS YOU". Do you find yourself embarrassed to tell a friend that you care? If you wish to be loved, love. Those that let their hearts go and freely declare their admiration and affection, are hard to turn down. Don't take this as an encouragement to spread love without caution, if you know what I mean.

Why are we so ashamed of saying openly that we care for another? For several reasons, there is the possibility that we will be misunderstood. A man approaches a lady and extends a hand of friendship, but the lady quickly thinks he wants to marry me, or go to bed with me!

HOW RIDICULOUS!

So there is this fear that our overture of warmth will not be reciprocated and we will be rejected. There are few emotions more frightening than embarrassment,and we go to great lengths to avoid the possibility of it. But don't do this at the expense of getting real friends.

Well, Francis is a kind of person that gives inspirational advice to the young and old,and I'm a kind of person that cherishes friendship.

Resources for further reading

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